And so we come through Winter Solstice and the longest night in what has felt like the longest and, at times, bleakest year. This post – on both the Confidence Centred Coaching and ZigZag Alive sites – offers a hope-fuelled look forward to the coming year and, by special request, an alternative take on setting targets and goals appropriate to our uncertain times.
Candles at the ready. Let’s go.
A Brief Glimpse Back
In the past my final posts of the year on the ZigZag Alive site would be celebrating the extraordinary achievements of wonderful clients at major events for which we’d aimed all the training and preparations. There’d be photos of their medals, of them jubilantly crossing the line or in action midway through. And on the Stories page there might be one or two clients’ own recollections of what their big challenges and achievements meant for them, told in their own words to inspire others.
With almost every event wiped from this year’s calendars things have obviously been very different. Bizarrely the one client who had not one but both his big events this year resolutely set to go ahead, saw them cancelled just hours before because of weather conditions!
But what a year of adaptability, of finding new depths in the things that really count and discovering hidden strengths and resolve! There are two wonderful write-ups capturing something of these deeper journeys on the Stories page. With other clients there has also been a theme of being creative, inventing our own sets of challenges and imaginative training sessions to keep the energy high and sense of purpose sharp.
At the same time I’m conscious that for many people this year has been traumatic and marked by terrible loss – so I feel lucky to be able to keep doing what I do, accompanying others in their efforts to stay safe, well and super active through the year.
So where are we?
Here’s where the imagery of changing seasons and the Winter Solstice may help. Right now it certainly feels like we’re in a long, dark night – the promise of lighter days ahead seems very far off. I’ve noticed how some people react to the imposition of extra restrictions with an animated sense of injustice and a defiant, cabin fever type rebelliousness.
There’s certainly much to react against and be angry about.
But maybe there’s also something about conserving our energy through the longest, darkest nights, of retreating to the minimum of what sustains us without expending too much effort on things we can’t control. A semi-hibernation of spirits while the cold winds blow outside.
A case in point comes from the news that a series of big swim events that various clients, friends and I had planned for the coming year won’t now be going ahead because of the continuing uncertainty. One of them, bemoaning the cancellation of her event said to me that she must have a target, something to aim at – otherwise the cake will take over!
I know at first I also felt an instinctive rush to put another challenging goal in place, whether by finding alternative events that are (for the moment) being advertised or creating a set of homemade epic challenges for clients and myself. I now think much of this will come into its own at the right time and place, but for now better to focus on the basics of staying safe and well and as active as is sensible – though I guess some might question whether swimming in the icy sea is that sensible!
Solstice Morning, 22 December: 4s for enjoyment and connections, 3 for fluency (bit too cold and rough to get into any rhythm)
In my case, for the rest of this month I’ll continue using my ZigZag Wellbeing Metrics to measure my swims and other activities – reflecting on and awarding points on a 0-5 scale for enjoyment, connections and fluency – and letting the distances and durations take care of themselves until something that looks and feels like training is ready to start in earnest in the New Year.
A few other clients have their big events firmly booked in for 2021: for one their first Ironman triathlon in August and another swimming the Channel in September. So, whilst we can’t be sure what will happen, we keep steadily working on finessing technique and building up the fitness, being as inventive and adaptable as need be around the restrictions and ensuring every session has a clear purpose toward our ultimate goal.
Better to Light a Single Candle…
The Solstice also has an undercurrent of hope – that things will get better, even if hard to discern in the darkest hours and long nights. I recently listened to a thought-provoking recording of Seattle Seahawks Head Coach Pete Carroll and Michael Gervais, founders of Compete to Create, talking about optimism and having a positive mindset. What came over to me was Coach Pete Carroll’s unwavering positive energy and conviction “that something good is just about to happen.” What an engaging, uplifting effect his optimism must have on those around him!
There’s an exercise recommended in the Compete to Create audiobook that I hope is okay to share here. In order to “train optimism” they suggest at the end of each day identify three positive things that have happened, recording in one sentence what made each special. For example mine from last night included the easy closeness and sense of shared adventures I had from each of my weekly Coaching Calls with clients that day. Then for each of the three special experiences find the one word that captures its significance for you.
It’s working for me.
…Or Burn the Clocks
So we’ve had Winter Solstice as a time of darkness in which to patiently hold firm on the essentials; and as a time for lighting a candle of optimism that good things will come. And finally Winter Solstice can also be a time to let go of some things and open up to others.
In Brighton near where we live each year there is a wonderful Solstice parade called Burning the Clocks – fantastic, giant, artistic lanterns are paraded through the streets and down to the seafront for a ceremonial bonfire and spectacular fireworks display.
This year there’s been no parade but all around the city lanterns have been displayed in shop windows (to be found following a trail of clues). To add to the community feel and the sense of passing from dark to light the organisers, Same Sky, encouraged us all to make our own mini lanterns and post a message to them of what we are leaving behind and what we intend to be open to.
Instinctively I’m far more attracted to this way of thinking than I am to New Year resolutions: of reflecting on what’s time to leave behind and how we want to be in the time ahead, rather than things we’ll supposedly do or not do. My badge in the photo gives a clue as to where my intentions will be as a coach, mentor, partner, father, friend…
Being Smart about SMART
Now, all this focus on goals in a time of uncertainty takes me to the most recent webinar in the Motivational Interviewing & Beyond series, hosted by Professor Stephen Rollnick and Dr Joel Porter – this one on mentoring and coaching (recording here). Look out for great insights from Coach Dan Clements about shifting the mindset of coaches to see the possibilities rather than flaws in those they coach; and from mentee and mentor Abdul Hye and Jackie Webb how their mentoring partnership developed.
Toward the end of the webinar I was asked to join the panel as Professor Rollnick let on we both share an aversion to so-called SMART objectives and how they have infiltrated sports coaching, mentoring and other areas as standard steps to go through in setting any goals. I was asked to say why my aversion.
With apologies to those who find the acronym helpful, I have always felt it is very limiting to frame objectives and goals according to the formula Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time-bound – just about okay in the context of tying people down to how they will deliver on a particular piece of work in a business context. But to me the acronym could just as well be spelt out as small minded and rather tame. There’s also a controlling element I think is out of place with the open, liberating explorations of possibilities at the heart of great mentoring and coaching.
So here, as requested in the webinar, is my Christmas offering: an alternative SMART checklist that might suit us better, particularly in thinking about what to aim for in the coming year:
Super, sensational, seismic…: that’s enough Ss to convey the idea! I encourage my clients to settle on goals that make them feel excited, to have that sense of “wow” when they tell others or think about what they want to do
Meaningful: underlying almost all the amazing challenges people come to me for support in achieving is a deep, personal connection. To be let in on this is perhaps one of the greatest gifts those we coach can give us
Adventurous: why bother with something you think is already Achievable before you’ve even set out? I love the sense of thrilled anticipation, of not knowing if something can be done but ready to try and then surprising ourselves with what we can do
(I have to say, at this point I already doubt the value of choosing a set of words to fit an acronym, but if management consultants can make their fortunes on it I’ll press on)
Relational: even in the solo sports I coach there are always significant others wrapped up in the endeavour. Having in mind who else is positively involved in one’s journey can bring an extra richness and with it an attentiveness to their needs
Transforming: and with a bit of a squeeze to fit in a T, for many people going for a big challenge there is a deeper sense of growth, of changing as a person. Again, how brilliant as a coach to accompany someone on that journey and be a part of what it means for them.
So let’s hear it for big, messy, meaning-filled goals that excite and energise us and a focus on how we want to be, as much as what we want to do, in the year ahead.
Below are a few photos of memorable moments in the year – sadly no finishing lines but plenty of adventures along the way, plus a few more of the fabulous lanterns to light our way through these dark, but getting lighter, days.
As always please leave any reflections and thoughts in the Comments box below.
Happy Solstice, Christmas & New Year!
